There were several problems that led to the death of that relationship, but communication (on both sides) was for sure one of them. Obviously Im talking here about people Im friendly with, not friend-friends, but I cant imagine having got to the stage of being friends with someone who was inclined to rebuff me expressing interest in their life. What Will You Do This Weekend? - englishforums.com The person is clearly saying something bigoted or 2. Flip the question back on them. And to this day, unless its a good friend with whom I know I can say eh I just dont feel up to what you suggested even though Im not busy, I get anxious whenever someone pulls the so what are you up to on X day? question. Thats a very uncomfortable and isolating feeling. Similar boundary setting but this is a different angle. It can be a white lie! Could be specific to where I am, though. Are you me? What are you up to? for those I am not interested in carving out space for.). 20 questions to ask instead of "How are you doing right now?" - Quartz Now most parents dont really mean anything bad by this (theyre just used to being able to control their childs time and havent stopped to consider thats a rude way to treat an adult), so responding every time they try this with, Why, whats up? wont be a problem, followed by, that wont work for me if the invitation isnt something the adult child wants to do. I also use ooh, Im not sure whether Im driving my stepson to his Dads that weekend, Ill have to check for longer-term put-offs. I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. Then they use your answer to decide if you're the sort of person who gets to join their clan and engage in merriment and shenanigans on a regular basis. I understand theyre looking for an ice breaker, but its not that interesting to talk about Ill probably get to laundry if Im not too lazy. I wish there was another common conversation starter among people you already know. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. This relationship goes both ways. The comment is sometimes a small talk, meant to affirm that we like seeing each other, and sometimes a prequel to an invitation. After answering you always ask the other person in return how they are, and they respond in kind. To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being.. So yeah, I feel that part too. The method that has been the most successful for me is to ask one person if theyre available/interested in an event, work out a date, and then specify such event in a group chat. I, personally, like to ask what are you doing this weekend, something fun? when small-talking with my co-workers and friends, and I also hate this question with a passion when its a step to an actual invitation (two very different things!). Thats not cool.. This applies in other areas of life too. I mean, what else are you supposed to do with life? Are you willing? or, if Im feeling that Im entitled to demand it, Ill say, are you available? (example: Im not going to react well if you want to play Minecraft instead of helping me wrap the favors for grandpas birthday dinner; if youre getting together with friends, online or IRL, or doing homework, OK). That, or non-questions. 7. Lets get together. But you have never issued a direct invitation to me in your life. And then he goes around and rants to all his buddies that women are sooooooooooo shallow because she *wouldnt* date him based only on his appearance (yes, I know the flaming illogic is bizarre). . Cant. Something like this happens every single time. If people cant come, you still have plans with the one friend! How about you?. Once upon a time I had a friend. I dont remember why anymore but at some point I agreed to share my google calendar with this friend. I think the idea at first was to make it easier to plan hangouts. I feel like something mundane like chores will get some pushback, or wont be seen as a task that takes up the whole day(s) off (if I do laundry Saturday, I can still go out Sunday! If its just a soft open to an invitation, you can be annoyed by it, or you can say, I dunno, you?. Hidden Siri Commands and Unusual Responses | TechSpot What are you up to this weekend? A professor I studied under said she, without thinking about it, had an automatic habit of spotting people likely to do that oh Im so nice to your differentness type of racism and trying to run interference to keep them from saying that crap around her grad students. And then coming up with all kinds of bizarre but obvious lies about how they reason theyre acting that way is solely for *my* benefit. If it is in fact a lead up to an invitation or request I can always either find room for it or say I dont have time. I might hang out with some friends on Sunday. I also trained myself to say, Oh just marathoning *show I like* or I picked up a new book and cant wait to dive in! which they translate to doing a thing. (I suppose they thought that before I responded that way. 2. This business of judging what another adult does with their leisure hours (with the obvious caveat that they harm no one) is bad enough, but insisting on the right to interrupt that time to set another adult extra chores is unreasonable in most circumstances, and not good for anybody. 65+ Funny Responses to Everyday Questions! - Self Development Journey Interesting. 4) "When asked what I did over the weekend, I reply, 'Why, what did you hear?'" 5) And it's weekend memes baby!!! Vagueing it up works for me. Given that the cousin is seeking babysitting, What are you doing on Thursday, followed by, Great, youre available to babysit for me! is an incredibly rude and pushy way to go about asking for that favor. I particularly enjoyed the bergamot top notes in the. They may just be an indirect communicator, and Hey, want to go have dinner might feel too abrupt without any conversational preamble. What are you doing this weekend? The pushback on needing brain time though makes sense. And when they do, you need to be prepared with the most appropriate reply to make the most of the situation. Its not over-sensitivity when people react to it theyre reacting to what they know is likely to be underneath it. If you want to push them to just say why they want to know, ask. I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. 1. You have to answer the . No, it had just been earlier that very day. Ive seen too many nightmare scenarios of late, in the wake of the Aziz Ansari mess, that start out exactly like you are describing. Im well aware of that risk. It might be helpful to reframe this, because the vast majority of the time its not going to be meant as a high-pressure question. Then I can pin them down on what, and when, without having pre-committed myself to some favor they were hinting at sideways. WHAT WILL YOU DO AT THE WEEKEND?? Amusing to think of borrowing a line from upthread: Well, it sounds like youre inviting me to something interesting! 200 Sarcastic Quotes 1. I really need to catch up on some sleep this weekend. That way they know Im not going to be up for a 7 am hike, or a 9am brunch, but if they wanted to do an early happy hour Im probably going to be up for it. Ill do it anyway, but saying it that way doesnt make it somehow not an order, Mom! He sometimes vocally wonders why other teams and departments will go out of their way to help me with things but not him, and its because I respond to their small talk rather than shutting it down and gently rebuff social overtures rather than saying No, I dont want to get to know you better or similar. That it can be based on something as intangible as a mood. "Thanks, it was a chance to relax and I am grateful for that.". So threatening to make her move out is just not wise. I also ignore We should hang out soon! It doesnt replace actually reaching out to me and trying to set up plans. So mostly I just want the question to go away lol, but since, as the Captain said, thats not likely to happen any time soon, I thought Id try to learn some better ways to navigate it, and again, all of your responses have been extremely helpful! Its just one of the normal options. I was never taught that was the correct answer. I get a bit awkward when people ask me that question too, because of the whole half-agreeing to plans before theyre actually exposed (I never considered it nosy personally but I can see how it might come across that way). Hmm, just tried re-creating my original comment and thats not showing up either. You can begin with, "I hope this email finds you well," which has the same meaning as "Hope you are doing well". That doesnt make it okay. (I am also not her only parent, so I dont get to act unilaterally. Yes, I know that is an inappropriate way to react. Its okay that I struggle with anxiety. Them: What are you doing this weekend? You're confident and independent, but you still overthink this kind of stuff. Also: owning that I dont always have to say yes Im getting there! In my experience small-talking cashiers/customer service people, giving them an opening to chat is the surest way to get out of having to fill the conversation myself. It sounds like he'd get into some fun and adventurous dates. We teach children that they must answer questions put to them by adults, that they have no choice in the matter. I can see where laundry might be a perfectly good excuse NOT to go with your aunt to somewhere you dont want to go. For a cashier: Great, how are you? just because they are probably required to ask as part of their job. They see how often constantly males can throw a tantrum about how theyre being bitches, where the males only complaint is, I asked her questions, and she refused to answer! That alone is enough for him to feel justified in escalating the threats, anger, violence. 26+ Funny Responses to Being Asked on a Date (Replying Yes or No) What you are currently doing. This is another good and funny response to give to "whats up" because depending on who you say it to, they might find it to be relatable enough to laugh at. A little of this, a little of that. Of course, YMMV, and you know your family and the situation better than I do. But people should take turns is different from someone else should always go first (or for gendered/other status reasons, I should always go first). Honestly, about 90% of *soft* invitations to me fall flatly to the ground because I dont pick up the work of planning, timing and reissuing that invitation. The person is saying something factually incorrect. They need to stop it. If you have never phrased commands to her that way, yup, thats on her. Nothing much (I have one coworker who now sometimes asks me What are you doing this weekend? its BANK HOLIDAY?. Plus they have the freedom to say Nah, cant on Saturday, but Im free Friday or whatever. I guess the conclusion is, ask more directly up front, and if I know someone has a hard time saying no, make sure I explicitly say, its okay to say no, or something similar. 96 views, 2 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 2 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from J.Cano: Law & Order: SVU - Best Episode Thanks to this blog, mostly , Yeah, I also dont entirely understand how the question could be meant to make it easier to decline an invitation. Shes asked like this a few times. By formal invitation, Im not necessarily meaning an engraved invitation, like for a wedding or other fairly formal event. And LW is already handling the situation in the best possible way by giving noncommittal answers. She had already asked him. I think we can get trapped in endless circles of soft invitations where neither person ever gets the push to move forward, so Ive tried to get more into the habit of being explicit about a desire for the other person to act. 1, It feels rude not to ask back. 12 Best Answers to "How's Your Day Going?" - Grammarhow Every time you see Pushy Neighbor, you go into this mode. My nightmare would be something like this: Them: My 6 year old daughter and her class are putting together a full rundown of the classic opera La Traviata in the original Italian and itll end at 11PM on a weekday. You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun But a couple people have African-violeted me over this. Funny Ways to Respond to "How Are You?" Overworked and underpaid. When Im asked that question (by people other than DD), I usually go with Why do you ask?. Theres this implication that the only reason you would ever want to say no to their request is if youre already busy, and yeah, thats annoying. And part of why Im asking is because maybe you just havent thought about it in those terms. is how this has been explained to me, and it makes perfect sense. I am sure this is going to get attacked for scaremongering and concern-trolling, but I mean, yeah. Indoor Cat says feeling unsafe would have been the most damaging to her relationships with her parents long term. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" I love having something witty, funny, or even sarcastic cued up in response to one of the most common questions asked in any given day. BUT! Happy Weekend Wishes, Messages and Quotes - WishesMsg But I explained that I feel like Im being put on the spot- and I would prefer that she just ask me what she wants. Thaaats what Im telling myself about my children anyway. I wonder if some variety of Im really flattered that you asked and I want to hang bout, but I REALLY need to recharge this weekend, maybe we can set a time that works for both of us? might be a good script? After reading comments, Ive come to the conclusion that Ive over-generalized my preference (anxiety? I went to a lot of meetings I did not want to go because of this, cause I pretty much was cornered into it after admitting I have not set plans.. But I like to think that Im better at saying no now, even though people do sometimes react badly. Me: No can do. Eating. You?, Or ask when do you need an answer by as invitors do need to know for catering, planning and booking purposes. but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. And genuinely interested in what theyre doing! I clean up nice, don't I. But for the LW when its potential datepeople, I do find that, Not sure yet why, do you have something fun in mind? has a pretty decent response rate. I dont know what would do the most damage for NYCs daughter long-term, but I do know that no matter the form it ultimately takes, the preservation of parental lines of dominance into the adulthood of the child will do real damage long-term. )/co-workers, who usually uses the So what are you doing this weekend? as an opener to telling me all the awesome stuff theyve planned for themself for the weekend. Here we're providing you with some better ways to respond to when your partner or girlfriend says, I hate you when you know they say it jokingly. But I think its disingenuous? Enjoying life and nothing else. Is everyone busy? With strangers (e.g., cashiers) and other people you dont know personally well (casual acquaintances, colleagues with whom you are not also friends, etc. But more often we talk about their kids or grandkids or the cute hat theyre wearing or the wedding theyre shopping for. But yeah. No, they just assume that you will want to do the thing. You have actually internalized a very common social rule. Uggggghhhh flashbacks to a previous boything of my own. In the UK, most encounters respond with fine/good/grand, how are you?, In formal encounters, respond with how are you?. Any/all such inquiries get an automatic Unsure have to ask my other half., Sans that Id just go with Unsure. Can we not use spaz/spazzy, please? 1. Sounds like hes a robot instructed to find out a fun thing the customer is doing later. I want to ask you to help me with a project tonight. Oof this is hard, because how you deal with it can and will vary so wildly depending upon whos doing the asking of you. This business of hanging on to parental authority as a form of rent, however, has already damaged your relationship, from what youre saying. It took a long time to figure out that I could just cheerfully respond, Why do you ask? In a friendly middle-class-lady voice, (almost as if I hope they are going to tell me something wonderful!). FRIEND: I am available [date]! But it is a cost. Thats the kind of bullshit that is so often behind the oh Im so nice to your differentness behavior belief that you shouldnt be what you are, and that you probably did something not right to get there. In these cases, we are all just curious and looking for stuff to talk about. My response if Im up for it is Looking like a fun one, but did you have something in mind? If Im probably not up for it I say All the things! My cousins with kids are trying to push their 8-12 year olds on me to tutor them and Im like 1. Nothing very interesting. (Id definitely use this for the likely-to-request-babysitting sister, for the recordany time youre asking someone a favor, you lead with that, you dont try to trap them into it!). After decades of various sorts of problem behavior from my father, I literally hit a brick wall of having had enough, and weve been done ever since. Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. (And it also stopped me from being super-duper free to do alllll the weekend shifts. My blood pressure. It's nice that they want to know about your plans, but their curiosity can feel more like an interrogation. I tell her every chance I get that Im grateful for all the emotional labor she does with categorizing her friend groups. Then match the sentences with the correct picture. How to Reply to Online Dating Messages the Right Way Ive got[an alligator to befriend, etc]. We do this so thoroughly that we then have to figure out how to re-train them so this doesnt put them at greater risk in the presence of predators, and we dont do that re-training thoroughly enough. And then I would walk away thinking that was a really awkward conversation and wonder if that person didnt like me or was fishing for an invitation to something or what. My go-to refusal of any invitation is I have other plans, and nobody needs to know whether my other plans are a work thing I cant get out of or a fun evening out or painting my toenails in front of Netflix. Also it varies on friend one friend, if I ask him if hes free Friday, we both understand that means beer and movies until the early hours, by default. Oh you want to invite me to happy hour [with a bunch of colleagues I hate when theyre sober let alone when theyre drunk]? So setting a rent that I would for any other adult is simply not applicable. Hey, dont you owe me one for babysitting last Onesday? Was he not getting back to her soon enough? I cringe sometimes because a lot of the send awkwardness back to sender! advice overlaps with the kind of thing he does and yeah, it costs him. Everyone else usually stops after the how-are-yous are exchanged. You (if you are not up for it, whether the reason is actual business or not wanting to at all) oh, I wish I could Though I am at the point where if my coworker invites me to Toastmasters one more time, Im just going to cheerfully say, You know, I just dont see myself ever being interested in that. (Though I dont think its likely in this case since the last invitation went something like: Hey, if youre interested, Toastmasters is going to be at [X] time and Im going to be speaking, Great, have fun with that!, I know what that means.). As I explained, however, sometimes responding to a compliment requires a funny response. I have strong memories of my MIL telling my husband, shortly after wed married, I need you to clean out the gutters. Or maybe you need to come this weekend and clean out the gutters. I really minded that! In general, most people will expect a response like this when they . My vote is toss her out and let her adult. This is a very funny response to give to "whats up." I completely agree that when it comes to a duty (like babysitting) this question is somewhat unfair. TootsNYC, thanks for responding and considering what is said. I mean, where are you REALLY from, but whats up is harder, since nothing/dont know tends to elicit a why not? or you should be/do more fun! And I dont know what to say to that, because no just seems rude and I didnt invite them to improve my life. But it needs to be a set rent, that can be codified and set down in a form you could use with any other adult, should the fancy take you. Next week, tell me how it went? And then make myself a note to specifically ask about it. k. Yes, I think theres a fairly clear difference between people who ask as small talk (for example, when youre both waiting for the microwave in the staffroom, or waiting at the bus stop after work) and when its done how LW specifies. Not always). Speaking about sudden change of moods and plans, and friends getting you: Several years ago, at the phone, ten minutes before a scheduled meeting with my friends in a pub to watch the incoming results of the Brexit referendum. Thats not an uncommon experience. Silly Friend: do you want to do (thing)? That! and she looked really pissed off, and I worried that maybe it sounded like I was looking for an excuse, any excuse, to get out of whatever she was proposing. Another good script Ive heard for when the person is clearly trying to invite you to something is What did you have in mind?, If theyre small-talking, you can say something like Hopefully relaxing and destressing. Why not set up a rent in dollars or set hours of work, and have done? Paris color stylo eye shadow neon skirt Paris color riche le stylo eye shadow bronzed How much vitamin c does a clementine have Loreal paris color riche stylo smoky eye avant azure What to get a guy for valentine's day Paris stylo smoky eye shadow hollywood Why is friendship better than relationship Desculpa para sair mais cedo do trabalho View Each Day as an Opportunity, Not an Obligation, Everything That You Can't do Because You Have Kids. I wouldnt mind your first either, but thats because the few people whod ask me exactly that are close enough for me to answer however Id like. Oh LW this might be one of my very biggest pet peeves. At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. When I am planning an event I usually offer a description of what I have planned first and then we move to scheduling but most of that is done in social media or by e-mail these days. If its just to bond, asking about past activities might be an easier way to accomplish this. You get to notice pretty fast that your opinions, feelings and thoughts dont matter if they dont conform to a view of the world that doesnt let them look like heroes and you like a cultural clich. With friends and family you can be more honest if you like, but you dont have to. (via Shutterstock) 7. For those who are ready to stand out from the crowd, we've gathered ten hilarious out of office messages that will inspire you to raise the bar the next time you sit down to write an autoresponder. Its not so much about stopping the question before it comes (pretty much impossible!) Most of them, anyway. *Him: Hello, how are you? Funny Responses to "How Are You?" (& Other Questions!) - Science of People You're still implying you have a lot going on, but you're demonstrating that you're handling it. Wow, dear LW, that was a great message and it certainly gave me good points to think about. Lets just say there were a few comments along the lines of look, if this Pampered Chef isnt your personal yaoi cup of tea, thats fine, but do you have to be so judgy about what your friends into?, Exactly! 8. But Im willing to bet that LW knows that, and the reason he/she feels annoyed with the people asking it in his/her life are because theres a pattern and something bigger at work like maybe people trying to get him/her to do stuff, or, as he/she noted, people who want to hang out, but with him/her doing all the planning work. No, seriously, TheDukeDevlin has the correct answer. Which is why weve all learned to use our words, though it takes some learning and there are still occasional misunderstandings. During this age of social media people get bombarded with Facebook invitations so much that they might very well ignore an invitation they usually would be interested in by accident (this has happened to me quite often; people would reach to me after the event and tell that they are really sad that they missed it). Its totally true that you can opt out of those things. Your kids are loud. Theres a world of small talk out there that doesnt Other a person, and being genuinely curious is not a justification for anything. #2 is a good point. Well, it is a basic level of people-ing that you need to get used to if you want to interact with other humans, yanno. I think that with my previous friend group culture, a sorry, Im REALLY busy for the next few weeks gets taken personally as Im too busy to maintain our relationship, even though Im trying to, um, not be homeless? Do you know the meaning of the weekend? Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. (beaming smile) (speaking a bit slowly) So you go on (big cheery gesture) on your own because youre interrupting our discussion time.. But no one argues against working! Sometimes your lover or friend may forget to send you a morning text. Him: You must be doing something. I have friends who do that, along with a SIL, and I also find it stressful/annoying. And maybe just dont think of the flip side where the question could potentially add more pressure. I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing. Well, have fun whatever you end up doing / decide to do. Him: Doing anything else? You can do it as far as you can. Now, when someone asks, I reply, Im not sure what Ill be in the mood for. If someone responds with an offer of plans, I can then say, Nice! Absolutely! Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. Unless youre at the stage of an established friendship where you have agreed to get together for dinner every other Saturday, or are discussing plans for the next visit to your long-distance sweetie during this visit, any actual social plan is only going to happen after someone risks discovering that the other person is less interested than they are. Trying to build a house. I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. You know, I just had a *very* amusing misunderstanding with a facebook friend who was ranting about MLM (which I thought was the wlw type of MLM). Every weekend! My response to that is usually a sassy Depends, why?. I dont think there is the slightest thing wrong with wanting something in the way of rent for the houseroom and resources she takes up. I can tell you out of personal experience that the constant repetition of this makes you feel a lot like you will never be fully accepted as part of the society/community you live in. I do have a preference for having the What are you up to Friday? question asked first though because I appreciate that they want to respect my schedulewhenever I book hangs with my good friends, we let each other know what blocks of time are going to be rough to fit each other into and know not to ping them too much during those times. And making things even harder, so much of this is tonea chipper Why do you ask? to the above question is a soft deferral, whereas a flat Why do you ask may be offputting in a way that leverages a cost. And I have to say, my, Toss her out and let her adult, is in flat contradiction to my frequent assertion that successful launching has been economically tough for young adults for some time now. Good, I just saw the cutest squirrel.. This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). Which I guess was appropriately scary for the season? Which for neurotypical types, is something that may not be hard to adapt to, but youre kind of being set up to failbecause that kind of question is exactly the kind of thing you would have been taught to do in kindergarten. Although I have one co-worker who apparently does laundry on weekdays sometimes. By mentioning the weekend, it ' s a great segue to ask them what they ' re doing. Thats a great answer! Make up a lease and sign it. I know people who mean well dont like hearing this, but I think that its important for people who mean well to also consider how the people they interact with might feel, so I consider this type of information to be useful to anyone who truly wants others to feel welcomed and comfortable.